SupermanFan.Net

By the 1960s, Superman had logged nearly three decades as the protector of Metropolis, America and indeed the Earth itself, fighting off countless invasions of fascist armies, super-insects, malevolent space aliens and giant robots.  However, not even the Man of Might could hold back the “British Invasion” of pop culture, led by four cheeky lads from Liverpool.

Even staid old DC — pegged by wags of the day as “Dad’s Comics” — could hardly fail to take note of Beatlemania.  Traditionally, only the safest, parent-approved celebrities made it into the pages of DC books; the most “daring” comedians to show up were Bob Hope and Jerry Lewis, while Rock-and-Roll was represented not by Elvis Presley but the clean-scrubbed, family friendly Pat Boone.  So when the Beatles breezed in, was it a sign that DC was ready to appeal to a hipper crowd at last?  Or just a reflection on the “safe” all-ages appeal of the Fab Four in their mop-topped, pre-psychedelic phase?

Some of the books the lads showed up in you might have expected, like Girl’s Romances and Heart Throbs, aimed squarely at the same female audience who pinned up Beatle photos in their bedrooms.  But before long, they also made it into the pages of Metal Men, Teen Titans and, of course, Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen.

DC hedged their bets, as usual; the Beatles’ name and their images were invoked to spike sales, but inside the books, Beatlemania was viewed through the lens of older eyes; as a kooky fad that would soon pass, but not before making fools out of a lot of teenagers.  In Jimmy Olsen #79 (Sept. ‘64), for example, we get “The Red-Headed Beatle of 1,000 B.C.“, which starts with Jimmy — already well-established as DC’s resident teenage lamebrain — dancing to a swingin’ Mersey beat, complete with customized red Beatle wig.

Kudos to artist George Papp, at least, for including the left-handed bass-player (Paul, natch).

Despite the cover art, that’s pretty much it for Beatle references until the end of the story, when Jimmy slips his wig on a young Samson to keep the strongman’s hair from being cut.  Then, for good measure, Jimmy starts his own musical craze when he plays (presumably Lennon/McCartney) music on a shofar, of all things.

Note that Superman stays comfortably in his “father figure” role, here; vaguely aware of the Beatles thanks to the incongruously cowboy-sounding name of their drummer. As we’ve seen before, as late as 1969, Superman is still under the impression that Ringo is the real celebrity in the group, dropping his name like any other clueless square trying to sound hip.

Jimmy Olsen #87 (Sept. ‘65) brings us “Jimmy Olsen, Rock-n-Roll Star,” which unsubtly heaps even more scorn on pop music in general and the Beatles as its avatars.  Visited by Bizarro-Jimmy Olsen, who’s in danger of being fired by Bizarro-Perry White if he doesn’t score a scoop, our Jimmy comes up with a “brilliant” scheme; disguising himself as Bizarro-Jimmy, he’ll go on the popular pop-music TV show “Hulla-Bashin‘” and do a deliberately awful act, getting thrown out of the studio and thus creating a story worthy of the Bizarro front pages (why the real Bizarro-Jimmy couldn’t do the same thing is beyond me).

With the cooperation of the show’s producer, Jimmy puts on a bizarro mask and a Fab Four-like suit, topping it off with a long-haired wig “so my hair will look like the Beatles!”   Looking on, the producer chuckles approvingly.  Once in the spotlight, Jimmy does his worst, with what I’ll take to be the Bizarro version of “Love Me Do:”

To his consternation, however, the teenage audience loves the act (hey, the worse it sounds, the more kids like it, right?).  Putting on Bizarro masks of their own, they throw down in a Bizarro Rave.

Jimmy Olsen #88 brings us “The Swinging Superman,” and while the Beatle references are a bit more subtle, they are mentioned on the cover, just in case. Jimmy is “Bouncier than the Beatles!” , we’re told, with his rocking new hit, “The Krypton Crawl!” (Superman is shown dancing to the beat and singing “Yah, Yah, Yah!”)

Hijinks ensue when Jimmy goes to meet his stewardess girlfriend Lucy Lane at Metropolis Airport, only to be nearly trampled by an overexcited crowd of teenage girls, there to greet the Beatle-esque Rick Rock and His Rolling Romeos, in a scene reminiscent of the Fab Four’s 1964 arrival at JFK Airport.

Miffed to find Rick Rock cozying up to Lucy, Jimmy decides to fight fire with fire:

That’s right, kids, a couple of guitar lessons and he’s ready for stardom.  Just think what that boy could accomplish if he put his mind to it.  Of course it helps to have the most powerful being in the known universe standing by to help you land a gig.  But hey, it’s not like he’s got anything better to do, right?

Anyway, Jimmy forms his band (”Jimmy Olsen and His Carrot-Top Cut-Ups“), and they all don red wigs to resemble him. Superman recounts the story of a music-making monster on Krypton that once entranced his parents and many other Kryptonians, nearly leading them, Pied-Piper style, to their dooms.  Using his power of super-recall, he writes down the monster’s tune on sheet music for Jimmy’s band.  When they play it, Superman loses his mind and goes into a dance/march across town.

What follows is a series of unlikely occurrences “explained” away in a head-scratching denouement, but if that surprises you, you’re obviously new to this site (Welcome!).  The point is that pop music is again portrayed as foolishness performed by hacks, and this time we’ve added “potentially dangerous” to the mix.

Apparently there were no hard feelings, however, because who should show up in the Beatles’ first color film, Help! but Jimmy Olsen himself!  Early in the film, the lads are settling into their gadget-laden apartment when an electric organ emerges from the floor on a lift.  Paul McCartney is at the keyboard, but instead of sheet music we see a row of vintage DC Comics.

We can just make out bits of the Superman and Jimmy Olsen mastheads, with one issue of Action Comics opened to a Supergirl splash page.

Naturally it didn’t take long for an excited reader and Beatle fan to mention this in a letter to Jimmy Olsen;

You’ll have to forgive my skepticism here, but I kind of doubt the Beatles included the comics in the film to “repay” DC for publicity.  As if they needed Jimmy Olsen to help get them noticed!  Can you imagine a kid in 1964 reading the comic and thinking, “Hmm…who are these ‘Beatles’ Jimmy speaks of?  I’ll have to look them up.”  And as noted, it’s not like they’re treated very respectfully.

More likely the comics are just one more little sight gag in a film littered with them, the idea of director Dick Lester, the prop master or some other crewmember.  What makes it a bit more interesting, though, is the publication dates of the issues featured.  A bit later in the scene, John Lennon takes a seat at the organ and we get a better look at the books, allowing us to determine the specific issues:

On display are Action Comics #304 (Sep. ‘63), 311 (Apr. 64) and 314 (Jul. ‘64), Superman #165 (Nov. ‘63) and 166 (Jan. ‘64 ), and Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #65 (Dec. 62), 67 (Mar. ‘63) and 75 (Mar. ‘64).

The filming of Help! occurred from late February to mid-April 1965.   That means adding these comics to the scene wasn’t just a matter of going out to the newsstand and picking up whatever was handy; all of these books had been around for a while, some of them for nearly two years. So it’s reasonable to assume that someone somehow connected to the film collected them, someone who obviously had a thing for Superman, as by 1965 we’re already well into the era of arguably “hipper” titles like the Flash, Green Lantern and the Justice League of America, to say nothing of the glamorous and newly trendy Marvel roster of titles.

A couple of years later, the Beatles would make another film, the infamous Magical Mystery Tour, for broadcast on the BBC.  In the UK the six songs written for the film were released in a special double-EP made to resemble a book, with (among other things) illustrations of key scenes in the film.  One image showed the fantasies of a character called Buster Bloodvessel, which included a rather familiar-looking figure (not present in the film itself):

Of course the ideal form of recognition from the Fab Four would be a mention in one of their songs, but this is something Superman never gets.  When a superhero does finally show up in Beatle lyrics, it’s Superman’s arch rival Captain Marvel in Lennon’s “The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill.”  Not until his 70s Wings period does McCartney give his one shout out to the genre with “Magneto and Titanium Man,” name-checking two Marvel villains in the title (and a third in the lyrics:  the Crimson Dynamo).

Maybe it was their revenge for those Weisinger-era stories poking fun at their look and sound, but when it was time for the Beatles to return the “publicity,” Marvel and Fawcett got all the love.

Living in the same world with Superman can be a handy thing if you’re a reckless girl reporter, a mishap-prone “Pal” or just a resident of Metropolis, ground zero for alien invasions, natural disasters and mad scientist plots. However, if you’re trying to make your mark in the world as a daring crimebuster, sharing the stage with a near-omnipotent Kryptonian can make you feel…well, kind of useless.

No less a crimefighting luminary than Batman himself finds this out the hard way in World’s Finest #143 (Aug 1964), when an on-the-job injury leads the Caped Crusader to consider breaking up his partnership with Superman once and for all.

Writer Edmond Hamilton starts us off in Gotham City, where Superman, Batman and Robin are about to break up a band of criminals.  When an armed thug opens fire, Superman is of course unharmed by the bullets, but one bounces off to strike Batman, who collapses.   Changing to Clark Kent and Dick Grayson, Superman and Robin take their injured friend to a hospital in his Bruce Wayne guise, claiming he’s the victim of “a  hunting accident.”  Hopefully the surgeon is no ballistics expert, or they’ll have a hard time explaining just what he was hunting with a .45 automatic.

The operation is a success, but the experience has been a wake-up call for Bruce, who decides he’s just not in Superman’s league (if you’ll pardon the expression).

As the days wear on, Bruce heals physically, but his spirit is broken.  Dick tries to coax him into resuming their regular patrol of Gotham City, but Bruce opts to hang out at the mansion and mope.

Consulting with Jimmy Olsen, Superman reasons that Batman could get over his inferiority complex if the two of them could only share a case in Kandor — the one place Superman has no powers.  He contacts his old friend Than-Ar in Kandor and suggests they resurrect an ancient threat from Krypton’s past.

Now all that’s left is a pretext for getting Batman into the bottle.  Traveling to Gotham, Superman says, “I need the help of your detective skill, Batman! I’m worried about my Fortress and want to put better locking devices on the doors!”  Now we’re sure Batman’s off his game, or else those famous “detective skills” would tell him a door with a key the size of a double-decker bus probably can’t be made any more secure with the addition of a few deadbolts.

Once work at the Fortress is underway, Than-Ar broadcasts a distress signal from Kandor — as planned — and reports the return of the dreaded Metalloids.  Superman asks for the help of the Dynamic Duo and Jimmy, and after shrinking themselves the four comrades parachute down to the tiny city. In short order, they find themselves face to face with one of the metallic marauders, and decide discretion is the better part of valor. 

At the Nightcave, secret headquarters of Superman and Jimmy’s crimefighting alter-egos Nightwing and Flamebird, Batman and Robin are shown the Nightmobile and trusty canine helper Nighthound, all obviously modeled after the Earthly Dynamic Duo.  Nightwing and Flamebird head into the heart of Kandor to learn the Metalloids have been wreaking havoc through the city. 

Deciding Than-Kar (his name having mysteriously acquired a “K” on page 5) is taking the charade too far, Superman removes his Nightwing disguise and goes to meet his friend.  When he finds what he thinks is Than-Kar in Metalloid form, the metal creature attacks him and nearly kills him, before the timely arrival of Batman and Robin, who run the creature off. 

At this point, Jimmy once again shows his great worth as a partner and sidekick by spilling the beans within Batman’s hearing.

Cheesed off at being manipulated, Batman refuses to believe Superman when he says the “fake threat” has turned dangerously real.  When Superman persists, Batman punches him in the face.  As luck would have it, a Kandorian official witnesses the altercation and tells the two they’ll have to settle their differences in the arena. 

Notice he says the arena is for anyone who has “a quarrel,”  which seems a bit drastic.  Someone steals your parking space?  See you in the arena, buddy!  Can’t agree with the missus on what channel to watch?  Get the swords and shields out. Anyway, the two heroes face each other with stun swords — the first to be struck will be temporarily stunned, losing the match.  Superman sees an opening but hesitates, and Batman takes advantage, knocking Superman out.  Batman collects Robin and the two leave Superman where he is (”It serves him right for his hoax!”)

On waking, Superman takes Flamebird to track down Than-Kar and stop his Metalloid rampage.  Tracking him to the jungle, however, they’re ambushed by not one but three Metalloids, and Superman tells Flamebird to run for it and bring back Batman and Robin. 

Back to his sharp-witted self, Batman suggests first consulting Kryptonian history tapes to see how the Metalloids were defeated in the old days, and finds that removing their bracelets will return them to their more easily subdued flesh-and-blood forms. Locating the Metalloids, the Dynamic Duo use teamwork to take down the first of them, Batman blindfolding the creature with his cape and tunic while Robin snatches the wristlet.

Batman dons the wristlet, becomes a Metalloid himself, and wallops the second villain.  Robin takes that one’s wristlet and helps subdue the third and final foe.

With his wristlet gone, the leader of the Metalloids is revealed as Jhan-Ar, brother of Than-Ar (notice the “K” is gone again…the editor giveth and the editor taketh away).  The mystery solved and the menace ended, the heroes leave Kandor, the experience having restored Batman to his former, confident self and the World’s Finest partnership to full harmony.

This is actually a great idea for a story, since anyone who’s ever read a World’s Finest tale has to have noticed just how lopsided the Superman/Batman partnership is, power-wise.  It’s only logical that sooner or later the World’s Greatest Detective would see what millions of 7-year-old readers spotted immediately.

Having said that, however, the trigger for Batman’s “complex” could have been handled better.  After all, by 1964 Batman had already been shot at by crooks for 25 years, and a few of those times he’d even been hit.  The fact that Superman happened to be present when this one got him was incidental.  Batman may not be “in Superman’s league,” but the cheap thug who shot him surely wasn’t outside his usual comfort zone.  Personally I think it would have had more impact if this story was treated as fallout from the epochal confrontation with the Composite Superman in the previous month’s issue.  Facing a foe with the powers not only of Superman but the entire Legion of Super-Heroes would definitely make a guy ask, “what am I doing here?”

One of the fun things about this story is seeing one of Superman’s manipulations blow up in his face.  You have to think, though, that if anything would help Batman overcome his inferiority complex, it would be seeing the Nightcave, the Nightmobile and the Nightwing and Flamebird suits, and realizing what a rabid case of Batman-worship his pal indulges when Earth-folk aren’t looking. This issue has some historical significance as the third appearance of Nightwing and Flamebird and the first visit to Kandor by Batman and Robin (this issue’s letter column is also the first in the title’s history).

The art in this one, by the great Curt Swan with inks by Shelly Moldoff and George Klein, is just plain beautiful, and the story has something for everyone, including the fantastic sights of Kandor, sword-slinging gladiator action and rampaging “robots.”  It’s all great fun, even if by story’s end all we’ve really proved is that Batman is only a match for Superman when they’re both in a bottle city where Superman has no powers, which we kind of knew already.

Never let it be said I’m not fair-minded.  My last post followed Clark Kent’s adventures in the U.S. Marines, so now in the interests of equal time, I’ll spotlight Jimmy Olsen’s stint as a Nazi officer in the inner circle of Adolph Hitler.

In Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #86 (July 1965), writer Leo Dorfman and artists Curt Swan and George Klein take Jimmy — and us — to the Pentagon, where films captured from the Nazi archives of World War II are being shown to members of the press.  When he gets home, Jimmy opens his briefcase to find that “one of the captured cans of film accidentally slipped inside!”  (Uh-huh.  Try using that explanation on the FBI, Jim).

Playing the film on his home projector (or maybe it “accidentally” loads itself onto the projector and starts playing, it’s not quite clear) Jimmy gets a huge shock:

Determined to solve this baffling mystery, Jimmy buys a vintage WWII combat correspondent’s uniform from a costume shop, grabs his German-English Dictionary and sets off for the year 1944 with an experimental “time bomb” developed by crackpot inventor Professor Potter.

Sure enough, Jimmy arrives on the Normandy beachhead in the midst of the D-Day invasion.  Now, you might ask yourself why — if Jimmy can set his “time-bomb” for any time and place — he doesn’t simply set it for Berlin, and dress in a Nazi uniform, rather than dress as an American soldier and land himself in one of the most hellish conflagrations in human history, with a loosely-formed plan to “slip behind enemy lines” later on.  That is, you might ask that question if you’d never read a Jimmy Olsen comic before.  The short answer is, as Hank Hill would say, the boy ain’t right.

Luckily for Jimmy, we learn D-Day wasn’t nearly as dangerous as Steven Spielberg and the history books have made it out to be.  In fact, we see that General Eisenhower himself has strolled onto the beach, pausing to conduct a press conference in the middle of the battle.

Flash forward and soon enough Jimmy is hopelessly trapped in a battle zone with a squad of American paratroopers, surrounded by Nazi troops.  Thinking fast, he disguises himself as a German soldier and marches his fellow Americans to the German lines, pretending to have captured them.  Then he volunteers to execute them himself, and uses a smoke bomb (pretending it’s poison gas) to cover their escape.  Completely fooled, a German general congratulates him.

When the general asks for another demonstration of his “clairvoyance”, Jimmy says the crystal ball has predicted the Americans will soon blow up a nearby bridge.  “Presently,” that’s exactly what happens, convincing the general of the fortune-telling powers of the crystal, because let’s face it, there’s no other way anyone could have guessed in a million years that an invading army might blow up a bridge, right?

Hugely impressed, the general promotes Jimmy to the rank of captain on the spot, making him his personal aide.  As the days wear on, Jimmy continues to predict the actions of the Allies with perfect accuracy.  Of course, he’s always careful to predict the events just a bit too late to prevent them, but the general remains a fan nonetheless.

At this point in the tale, every reader over the age of 6 has figured out the solution to Jimmy’s “big mystery”, but as we’ve already established, our boy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, so this drama has a few pages to go, yet.

Jimmy suggests that with his abilities, he ought to be working for Adolph Hitler himself, and the general agrees, so it’s off to Berlin.  When Hermann Goering scoffs at his claims of clairvoyance, Jimmy “proves” his powers by predicting the bombing of the submarine pens at Kiel, and sure enough a call comes in moments later reporting the attack.

As the weeks wear on (yes, weeks…and Jimmy still doesn’t get it), “General Von Olsen” makes one successful prediction after another, but Hitler eventually realizes he’s only predicting defeats, and no victories.   Suspecting he’s a spy, the Gestapo sets up a test for him: When he and other Nazi officers force a Belgian family to prepare them a meal, the family’s pretty young daughter drops a note meant for the underground.  Jimmy reads the note and exposes the girl as a spy, passing his test of loyalty.  But never fear, fans, he hasn’t turned evil, just observant:

Notice Jimmy says, “usually,” acknowledging the possibility that she could have just been an authentic farm girl who happened to have a thing for fancy shoes, but it’s best not to dwell on that, now is it.  Lotte offers to kiss Jimmy, and he accepts “pretending” to enjoy it, and noting that, “like so many other people I know,” she has the initials LL.

His fears laid to rest, Der Führer promotes Jimmy to the rank of Marshal, and at last the truth penetrates his concrete cranium:

The next day, July 20th, 1944, Hitler is nearly killed by a bomb.  He’s understandably peeved that Von Olsen failed to predict the assassination attempt, and decides he must have been in league with the conspirators.  Jimmy makes a run for it, with no less than Goering and Heinrich Himmler themselves pursuing him on foot.  Lotte shows up and takes a shot at Jimmy, but he ducks and the bullet strikes a large Swastika hanging over a doorway; two pieces of it break off and knock out Goering and Himmler.  An SS guard throws a grenade at Jimmy, but in a “lucky break,” the power supply for Professor Potter’s “time-bomb”  runs out at that very moment, returning Jimmy to 1965.

Jimmy’s mystery is now officially solved, but the archival film has crumbled to dust, possibly from “being too close to the time-bomb when it went off.”  Thus he notes, “the evidence of my life as a Nazi officer is gone for good!”  Bet there were a few other guys who wish it had been that easy.

Well, there is one last bit of evidence, and that’s the Nazi uniform, which he’s taking off when he has a revelation…

I hadn’t realized the “LL” motif was a big deal in Jimmy’s stories, though of course it figures in many a Superman tale.

This is one of those stories that’s pretty much review-proof, as it’s so patently daft from Square One that it defies rational analysis.  It’s interesting that they chose to call it “Jimmy’s D-Day Adventure,” since only two or three panels of his two-month stay in 1944 are spent at Normandy.  But then I guess it sounded better than “Jimmy Olsen: Hero of the Third Reich” or “Hitler’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen.”

“Is it a fat-head?  Is it a bubble head?  Is it a double-header?  No, dear reader…the hilarious, yet exciting tale you are about to read concerns reporter Jimmy Olsen…”

So begin “The Adventures of Chameleon-Head Olsen,” and for anyone who’s been following the Silver Age adventures of Superman and friends, it will come as no surprise to find the author of this “laugh fest” is none other than Superman co-creator Jerry Siegel, the Ralph Malph of comics, the Fozzie Bear of the four-color world,  a comedy legend in his own mind whose prior work on “Funnyman” made that character the biggest thing in comics since…oh, lets say Marvex the Super-Robot.

“You’ll laugh…you’ll howl…” is the promise of this classic tale from Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #85 (June 1965).  At least we know it will look funny, since it’s penciled by John Forte (with inks by George Klein).

We open in the 30th Century, where Jimmy Olsen has been invited to stand with the Legion of Super-Heroes as they are applauded and cheered by an assemblage of heroes from around the cosmos.  Apparently this is what they do with their afternoons.   Although he’s only an Honorary Legionnaire, Jimmy takes the acclaim as his due, and wastes no time mooching yet another favor off his “teammates.”

Wow, you can almost HEAR the “dot-dot-dot”  at the end of Jimmy’s sentence as awkward silence fills the room.  Don’t look now, guys, but Jimmy’s hitting us up for another freebie.  Luckily, Chameleon Lad keeps serum-filled test tubes in his pocket all the time.

Hitching a ride back to the 20th Century in Cham’s time bubble, Jimmy turns on his radio to hear a vital news flash: “Astronomers sighted Superman flying away from Earth, early this morning…probably on a mission!”  (And in other news, Batmobile spotted heading in direction of Burger Chef.  Experts agree: Batman probably hungry)

Superman’s absence is good news for a thug who suddenly appears in Jimmy’s apartment and holds the cub reporter at gunpoint.  We learn the Anti-Superman Gang has offered a bounty for Jimmy as a way of hurting Superman:  he’s worth $20,000 alive, $10,000 dead.

Thinking fast, Jimmy decides he’ll use the serum to turn into a kangaroo and leap to a nearby building (because a bird or other winged creature would be too obvious, right?).  “I th-think I’m going to faint!” he says, Chameleon Boy’s test tube shaking his quivering hand.  “May I drink this nerve tonic?”  Amused, the gunman answers, “Go ahead!”

With only his head transformed, Jimmy has to abandon his otherwise flawless plan of hopping across the tops of tall buildings.  Spotting a nearby statuette of Aquaman, he gets a new idea.  He wishes for his nose to become “long and sharp like that of a swordfish.”

Get it, “something fishy”?  Stick with us, kids, Uncle Jerry’s got a million of ‘em!

Jimmy uses his sword-nose to knock away the thug’s pistol, then dashes outside to seek the aid of a passing patrolman.  Unfortunately the cop turns out to be a disguised crook — also after the bounty on Jimmy’s head — and charges at him with a billy club. Jimmy turns his head to stone, breaking the club, then knocks out the fake cop with a vicious headbutt.

“Rock” you to sleep!  I get it!  Stop it, Jerry, you’re killing me.  No, seriously.

Jimmy escapes to a taxi, only to find the cabbie is yet another crook, and the cab itself a death trap.  Black widow spiders crawl up his suit, but he deals with them quickly by adopting anteater powers.

Okay, I’m no expert on the animal kingdom, and especially not anteater/cub reporter hybrids, but even if you could catch a bunch of black widow spiders on your tongue, wouldn’t you still be killed when you swallowed them down your human throat to your human stomach?

At any rate, the cab driver flees, and Jimmy spots a man with a walkie-talkie on a nearby rooftop.  Eager to know what’s going on, he grows a “radar ear” to listen in.

Remember today’s science lesson, kids: bigger ear = better hearing.  Taking advantage of a sudden, thick fog (what, NOW you’re going to expect logic?), Jimmy ducks into nearby museum.  Spotting him, two thugs give chase, being sure to stop first to put on suits of armor from a medieval history exhibit (your guess is as good as mine).  They corner him at the dinosaur exhibit, but he takes inspiration from a skeleton on display and grows mastodon tusks to flip the “knights” away.  (”Get the point?” he quips.  Is this the part where we laugh or howl?)

Running outside, Jimmy is relieved to spot a youth dressed just like him and riding a motorcycle.  Because of his garb, Jimmy assumes the rider is a member of the Jimmy Olsen Fan Club:

As has been remarked elsewhere, the only thing dorkier than being Jimmy Olsen is being a Jimmy Olsen Fan Club member.  Here’s our proof that even Jimmy knows the only people on Earth who would dress the way he does are himself and a bunch of losers trying to look like him (okay, and maybe Pee-Wee Herman…but then he may be a member…?).

Oh yeah, so Jimmy turns his head into a fleshless skull and the malevolent motorcycle midget speeds off in a panic.

Finally Jimmy makes his way to the front gate of Metropolis Airport, from which he presumably plans to escape the city, but at the last moment he’s slugged from behind and taken to the headquarters of the Anti-Superman Gang,  where the big boss prepares to shoot him.  As he rubs his hands over his face, Jimmy’s features disappear, replaced by those of Superman.  Thinking they’ve accidentally brought the Man of Steel into their midst, the panicked thugs make a run for it.

Swooping down from the sky comes the real Superman, returning from his space mission and eager to figure out what’s been going on (someday he’ll learn not to ask).  Proud of his latest adventure, Jimmy thinks to himself, “Superman and I will laugh over the way I outwitted those mobsters for a long, long time!”

Yep, you could swap funny stories all afternoon, Jimmy.  Or here’s an idea; maybe you could point Superman in the direction of those fleeing mobsters while there’s still time to catch them.  After all, they still have a contract out on you, dead or alive.  Hello? If it helps, you could make a crack about how a turn in Sing-Sing will change their tune.  Get it? Sing-Sing…tune?  Or something about how you have a “head for crimefighting”, or managed to “save face “in the end.  The comedy potential is endless.

But seriously, catch those guys or they’ll eventually kill you.  And you do not want to be caught dead in that suit.