The Day Lois Lane Forgot Superman!
In Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #19 (Aug. 1960), everyone’s favorite girl reporter finally gives up on her dead-end romance with the Man of Steel, and moves on with her life…sort of.
Robert Bernstein is credited with writing this Kurt Schaffenberger-drawn tale, which begins with Lois being flown home to her apartment by the chivalrous Superman after a late-night reporting assignment. When Superman doesn’t kiss her goodnight, the forever-frustrated Lois breaks down in tears and confesses to her sister Lucy that she wishes she could “stop loving Superman…or get him out of my mind!”
As luck would have it, Lucy stumbles on a solution in her job as an airline hostess…
Yes, thanks a lot, stewardess, for alerting the other passengers and preventing any chance I might have had at privacy. Boy, I bet the movie stars love Lucy on those bi-coastal flights. Anyway, when a nervous passenger begins to panic over her “premonition” that the plane will crash, Majo hypnotizes her into calmness, leading Lucy to hope he might also help Lois forget Superman.
Sure enough, Majo agrees to see Lois after a performance at a Metropolis theater and hypnotizes her with his monocle, commanding “from now on, he’ll mean nothing to you…understand?”
Lois’ first test comes as soon as she leaves the theater, and the procedure seems to have worked…
Nonetheless, Lucy understands that any sudden shock could restore Lois’ former feelings.
At the Daily Planet offices, Lois finds her typewriter ribbon snarled, and Clark Kent offers to fix it. As he does, she looks on, thinking, “What a gentleman Clark is! Always so sweet and courteous! How come I never appreciated him before? I must get this guy to date me!”
Clark agrees to go with Lois to a showing of a 3-D movie and, growing uncomfortable with the attention she’s giving him, makes a big show of yelling in “fear” during a scary scene, hoping to earn her disgust. Afterwards, he apologizes for his shameful display, but Lois is okay with it. As they walk home, a mugger accosts the pair and Clark, trying again to sell the “coward” act, makes a show of running away. Unfortunately fate has other plans…
Since the knockout “punch” was delivered in the shadows of an alleyway, Lois didn’t see it, and is left to assume Clark’s actions were purely heroic (after “confusing the thief by pretending to run away”). The next day, she turns up the heat.
Wow, check out the way she’s playing with his tie. And is she going to sit in his lap? I have to confess I still haven’t seen Mad Men, so I’ll have to rely on you guys: Was this sort of thing acceptable office behavior in the 60s?
Anyway, Clark tries to beg off by pleading poverty, but that just leads Lois to invite him to her place for a home-cooked meal. Once there, Clark does what he can to cut the evening short, first over-freezing her frozen dinners with super-breath, then incinerating her hamsteak with heat vision, but she manages a dinner anyway.
Oh yes, I hate that Superman, he means nothing to me. That’s why he keeps coming up in casual conversation…so I can stress just how little he means to me. Because he means nothing, you know. No sir, that Superman doesn’t even rate a second thought from me. I could probably go the rest of my life without thinking about him. I bet some women always think about Superman, but not me…
Clark ducks out of dinner early with a feigned stomach ache and saves that pair of ferry boats from crashing into each other, but the next day Lois is back at it again, taking Clark to the Annual Planet Ball.
Did I mention how glad I am not to be with Superman? He means nothing to me, you know.
A radio report warns of a bomb in Metropolis Terminal, and Clark ducks out of the dance, citing sore feet. It’s interesting to note that (1) the Daily Planet is so cheap that its “annual ball” uses a radio for music instead of live musicians and (2) in a room full of reporters, only Clark Kent seems at all interested in the fact that a bomb has been planted at Metropolis Terminal.
Zooming to the terminal, Superman discovers the bomb inside a “huge organ pipe” and disposes of it by blowing on the pipe like a giant blow-gun and sending the bomb into Metropolis Harbor (where it narrowly misses a passing tugboat before exploding. First two ferries, now a tug. Water travel simply isn’t safe in Metropolis, folks. This issue was brought to you by your friends at the Metropolis Toll Bridge). Again, I’m not much of a railroad buff, so I’ll turn to you guys; Do train terminals usually feature huge pipe organs?
Clark returns to the dance, but Lois doesn’t miss the fact that his absence coincided with a Superman siting. Her suspicions grow the following day, when Clark slips away from her at the Annual Planet Beach Picnic (don’t these people ever work?) to save the swimmers from sharks. Ironically, Lois’ suspicions take the opposite direction from usual, as she muses: “If Clark is Superman, I’m through with him!”
The next night, Lois tests her theory by barging into Clark’s office brandishing what she says is a “prop” machine-gun. Clark begs her to turn it away, just in case it’s loaded with real bullets, but Lois has other plans.
Wakening from her swoon to find Clark holding her, Lois pushes him away. “How dare you put your arms around me? You know I only love Superman!” As forewarned, the “sudden shock” of Clark’s near death has jolted Lois back to her old self. Status quo restored, we’ve reached…The End.
But, Great Shades of Freud, is this broad a nutjob or what? Glenn Close’s character in “Fatal Attraction” look positively well-adjusted in comparison. Check out that reasoning in the machine-gun scene: “I wouldn’t want to be Superman’s wife, so I’m glad you’re not Superman, since I’m going to be your wife, right? After all, we’ve been on three dates already. So, here’s how it’s going to go down; you invite me to the Empire Club on Friday night and present me with a ring from Finklestein’s Jewelry. They’re the ones on Grant Avenue. Here, I’ve written down the inventory number, just ask for Harry, he’s got it set aside…”
But hey, what guy wouldn’t want to be with a woman who’s just threatened him with a machine gun? Even if it was only loaded with blanks (”Ha! Ha! The look on your face when you dove under your desk!”) in an elaborate scheme to get the truth out of you (”Sorry honey, but I had to be sure…”). Note to Lois’ female readership: If you’re looking to land a man, it’s traditional to save the real craziness until after the wedding, ‘kay?
Also note how Lois practically does a lap dance for Clark earlier in the story, then bristles like a frigid old maid when he has the audacity to put his arm around her shoulders to help her up off the floor. She’s like a walking catalog of neuroses…the girl your mom always warned you about.
What’s really amazing is that this story is from Lois’ own comic, where you’d think the object would be to paint the title character in a favorable, if not heroic light. That is not what we get here, to say the least, which makes me wonder: were DC’s writers and editors just in way over their heads trying to write comics for girls, or was the readership of Lois Lane really mostly male? And if the latter, why didn’t we end up even more afraid of girls than we already were?
Could there be any character more neurotic and messed up than Lois Lane? Except for Jimmy, of course. Oh, and Superman!
It strikes me the writers often painted themselves in a corner with Superman’s powers and abilities, and the only way they considered they might return some semblance of dramatic tension was to thrust him into domestic situations where his powers were ineffectual or downright liabilities (a man whose wayward elbow could shatter a mountainside slips on a banana peel??). As opposed to, say, giving him some real cosmic challenges.
I suppose the screwball comedies of the era played an influence here, too.
Your point is a good one, though. Who read Lois Lane? Who did the writers and editors THINK read Lois Lane? At least Supergirl, with her kitties and ponies and bad boyfriends, had some appearance of appeal to girls.
As usual, Kurt Schaffenberger’s artwork shines brighter than the yarn.
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Apart from all the fantastic and witty observations you’ve made about the above story, one more thing comes to mind for me. Reading between the lines (panels?) I have to ask: “Is Superman gay?”
I mean, we usually see Lois throwing herself at Superman and Superman spurning her advances for reasons of safety, protecting his secret identity and his neurotic need to be liked as the nerdy Clark Kent. Now Lois is throwing herself at Clark and he acts like she’s got cooties. What’s that all about?? Also, he’s never given Lois a signal watch so she can call him for help, but he gives his “Pal” the gift of jewelry?
His relationship with Batman and Robin is a little weird sometimes, too.
Perhaps he’s just frightened that, were he and Lois to become “Superfriends with benefits” he might injure her with his “Steel-hard fingers” or some other “Steel-hard” part of his anatomy.
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“Thanks, stewardess.” That has to be the line of the story.
It seems that the Lois Lane books were caught in a run-down between romance comics and the super-hero genre and the two mixed about as well as oil and water. Too often the story devolved into the usual “*sob* Superman will never love me *sob*” archetype, and there were only so many times that the writers could re-use that old teabag.
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A little too much adult nitpicking going on here. As suggested, the target demographic was pre-adolescent boys. Cast your memories to that time of life: girls were yucky! It’s not “gay” or indicative of any neuroses. Until the hormones and hair kick in, the idea of our hero getting all lovey-dovey and mushy would have made me choke on my jaw-breakers and licorice whips.
However, that still does not explain WHO was supposed to buy “Lois Lane”. I had a couple in my collection, but they featured Lois as transformed into a mangy monster or into a superheroine. Standard “spinster gone mad” romance stories were a total snooze.
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I think this goes beyond “girls are icky” and straight into “women are crazy and dangerous.” I don’t think I was that atypical a boy in that I rather *liked* romance in comics (as opposed to “romance comics” per se). I dug Betty *and* Veronica, had the hots for Alanna of Rann and still haven’t got over the loss of Gwen Stacey (any girl in a mini, go-go boots and headband is aces in my book). Lois, on the other hand, went from Rosalind Russell without the charm, to Lucy Ricardo without her meds, to Gloria Steinem and never did quite make it to likable. The one (admittedly notable) exception was the Elliott Maggin version, who could be rather endearing, and in “Who Took The Super Out of Superman” is flat-out adorable. Reading a story like this didn’t give or reinforce anti-girl feelings in me, just anti-Lois feelings.
Aaron, I didn’t read a “gay” thing into it, but I did notice the same thing you did as far as Clark being eager to ditch Lois, after supposedly waiting all those years for her to like *him* instead of Superman. My guess is that he knew her hypnosis wouldn’t last, so he never took her “affection” seriously. For him, this is another temporary madness to be waited out, nothing more. In the story, he thinks something along the lines of “at least when she liked Superman, I could get away now and then.” Her obsession makes it hard for him to do his job.
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DC was still limited by the Comics Code at this time and would be for a number of years. It took the competition from Marvel before they began to get away from these storylines.
Action, Superman, Adventure, Superboy, World’s Finest, Jimmy Olson and Lois Lane were all the books we had to read about Clark back then. Justice League began in 1960, I think, but we still had far fewer super-hero comics back then so if a new issue of Lois Lane was the only thing I could find with new Superman stories in the grocery or drug store spinner rack I would add it to the stack. But for some reason, I would still rather try out an issue of Our Army at War or Mystery in Space than get an issue of Wonder Woman.
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All right, I’m gonna try to make a few comments here.
At the dance, with the radio? The Daily Planet wasn’t being cheap! They were PIONEERS! DECADES ahead of their time! EVERY corporation has taken their lead to some horrific extremes!
Then, about Lois almost sitting in Clark’s lap. Yes, it WAS required in places of business back in the sixties! ESPECIALLY if your secretary looked like Lolly (remember HER?)!
Finally, why am I reminded of The Penguin in the very first panel shown above?
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That last part makes Lois seem downright insane - obviously Superman-as-Clark is going to pretend to be afraid of being shot too. So it doesn’t show anything - she can’t tell if Clark is human or Superman pretending to be human.
Also, while comics treats blanks as harmless, they can in fact be quite dangerous at very close range. An actor notoriously killed himself by jokingly shooting himself with a blank that still did enough damage to end his life.
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Yeah, I remember Jon-Erik Hexum (wasn’t that his name?), too. He was just starting to be big when he accidentally died back in ‘86.
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If Weisinger and his writers could get an amusing situation in the story at the expense of characterization, they’d do it in a heartbeat. However, there are plenty of stories in which Lois is portrayed positively; check out Superman’s Secret Sweetheart from LL #2, where Lois helps a plain-looking girl to become more attractive to young men. Or The Girl Who Stole Superman’s heart from LL #7, where she takes in a down and out Lana Lang.
The idea of boy’s heroes being tepid at best about romance goes back at least to Sherlock Holmes, and Doc Savage was also notably uncomfortable around the fairer sex.
There was a pipe organ in Grand Central Station, although oddly enough it was in a private area; Google Campbell Apartment Grand Central Station. From the NY Times in 2007:
“Mr. Campbell chose Grand Central Terminal. There, in a hide-in-plain-sight corner only steps away from commuters pouring onto Vanderbilt Avenue, he built his ground-floor office in a space the size of a chapel.
It had a butler, a pipe organ, a library and one of the world’s largest Persian rugs”
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At least in Doc Savage’s case, the awkwardness around females makes sense. Raised on an island by his dad and assorted scientific geniuses (none of whom were likely female, given the genre), he’d have been singularly ill-equipped to handle the complexities of male/female relations.
I’m reminded of a documentary I saw once where they separated some kind of bird from his kind and raised him in a lab, then re-introduced him to a group of like birds. He couldn’t help feeling the hormonal surge attendant with being near a female, but never having learned how to channel it, he expessed himself by trying to peck and claw her to death.
Interesting experiment, but I always felt sorry for that bird, getting his life ruined to satisfy some egghead’s curiosity.
Anyway, Superman is a lot more into girls than Doc or Holmes. It’s just Lois he keeps at arm’s length.
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By the way, I don’t think Lois is going to sit on Clark’s lap. She’s just perched on his desk.
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